CNC: Consensual Non-Consent Fantasy

 CNC, or consensual non-consent is one of the most common fantasies for women. Why would women, after immense historical oppression, violence, and sexual assault crave a sexual scenario that mirrors these things? While the answer is incredibly dynamic, consensual non-consent can be hot, exciting, and it’s here to stay in the fantasy and kink world.

What is CNC?

Consensual non-consent is exactly as you read it: Consenting to playing out a non-consensual scenario in sex. Coined the “rape” fantasy, CNC can look like anything to forced sex, forced orgasms, and surpassing a “No” or sexual resistance in a consensual way.

CNC remains one of the leading fantasies for women, which can feel confusing to those who have it: Why do I crave CNC? Do I actually want to be violated? Is there something wrong with me for having these fantasies? On the flip side, many of the same feelings come to those who want to be the dominant in a consensual non-consent scene.

What’s the psychology behind CNC?

Would you believe me if I told you 62% of women have fantasized about a form of CNC play in their lifetime? CNC is less about “rape” or “assault” and more about complete surrender: It’s fully taking away someones power, and having them consensually enjoy not having any control.

People who crave receiving CNC in their sexual adventures don’t actually want to be raped or assaulted, they simply want to get off on the taboo of having zero control. On the flip side, dominants don’t actually want to rape/assault their partners, they want to experience full control.

The idea of “full control” can still feel pretty taboo given the nature of it. BDSM & kink in their very nature involve getting off on taboos: Doing things you’re not supposed to, and craving things you’re not supposed to. Many atrocities in human history are fetishized and commonly used in sexuality: Aggression, degradation, humiliation, you name it. Consensual non-consent is not unique in this sense, it’s to be expected in human behavior.

Why would sexual assault survivors want CNC?

Those who have survived sexual assault and trauma may find healing in CNC, even though some find that hard to believe. Why would someone that’s suffered sexual trauma crave consensual non-consent? Reliving things that hurt them? The answer is in the consent.

Survivors get a chance to regain their power by having CONSENSUAL experiences, letting them rewrite the narrative to a story where they were once powerless. This doesn’t mean that every person that craves CNC has been sexually abused or traumatized (me, for instance), it just means CNC is an avenue for somatic healing in some.

How to structure a CNC scene:  

I find that CNC is incredibly scene oriented: Like an extreme role-play, it’s good to make sure no details are left unsaid.

Zero control in a CNC scene is still done within the ethical and strict rules of BDSM:

Expectations: What do we both wish to get out of this? Ex: “I really want to experience having no control of what happens in this scene within my boundaries”.

CNC can also take on my types of roles babe - think intruder in home, getting kidnapped, being taken while sleeping, the list is fucking massive. Try to find a “scenario” or dynamic that is enticing for both of you to play out.

Boundaries: What do we absolutely want in this scenario? What’s an absolute no-go? Ex: “I like being slapped, but I don’t want any anal play.”

Consent: How do we practice consent in this scenario (for example, the word “NO” is not good for CNC consent since part of the fantasy may involve using it). Ex: “If I want to practice consent in this scene and stop everything, I would like to use the word Palm Tree”

Negotiation: Taking both peoples expectations & boundaries to formulate a “scene”.

Scene: Using the details from above, how will we create the space to play out this fantasy so it works for both of us?

Aftercare: What type of emotional/physical care do we both need after playing in this fantasy? Ex: “After this scene I would love to cuddle, massage each other, and speak about our experience”.

My CNC scene

To give you a great example of CNC, I want to share my latest experience with it! As a preface, I a want to mention that plans didn’t actually work out - a problem came up with my partner's schedule so we had to put it off. The planning, anticipation, and thrill of the scene beforehand was still SO HOT, and I want to inspire you.

A month before taking action on our CNC scene, I contacted one of my partners and let him know about my fantasy. Being very well versed in the kink scene, I let him know that I felt very safe with him and would really like to play out this fantasy I’ve had for honestly 10+ years. He was truly the man for it, and I was excited.

We had a fabulous conversation about how we felt about it, what we both wanted out of it, and of course what boundaries we had.

The CNC scene

We had organized a home intruder scene - I had my house in Miami to myself for 4 days with no disturbances. Given that window of time, he was allowed to come at any point (day or night) without my knowing, and he had the codes to let himself into my house. Once in my home, he was allowed to do whatever he wanted to me sexually within a few boundaries that I gave him, as seen below. **This is a small snippet of our planning. We planned for WEEKS**.

I obviously didn’t want to be locked in my house the entire time, so a rule we set is that I would alert him if I left for any reason.

The waiting period

The fucking thrill I experienced for 3 whole days knowing he could show up at any minute was out of this world. I was honestly so sexually on edge the entire time - nipples hard, extremely horny, and hyper aware of my surroundings. I would hear the AC turn on, or any general creek in the house and assume it was him coming to get me. I would wake up multiple times at night not knowing if he let himself in - I was INVESTED.

This sent me to the deepest form of subspace I’ve ever been in, aka the high of being in my submissive mindset. I felt vulnerable. I felt feminine. I felt sexual & excited. I really fucking enjoyed this process.

Unfortunately, he did have to cancel - this sucked emotionally for me since my nervous system was so activated for days on end, but I got the aftercare I needed to come out just fine.

Had this scene actually played out, I think I could have died a happy woman right then & there. It was SO FUCKING HOT.

Are you ready to try CNC?

Making the jump from vanilla sex into CNC can be a lot on your psyche - start with smaller forms of domination and work your way up. Some great, lighter examples could be -

I would be more than happy to chat & assist in helping you set up your CNC experience with your partner. My one off consultation calls are perfect for just that!

Keep on kinkin’, babes!